Individualism in Relationship

When two people fall in love ,they experience themselves and each other as separate individuals with distinct identitites ,and their own ideas ,interests and friends .

When a majority of us  falls in love or get in a relationship we tend to lose our individualism as most of our time we need to be committed to someone with our time,money and efforts.

And aa Lisa Firestone,  a physchologist would describe a scenario,you start out feeling like the very best version of yourself that you ever been and before you know it, you are digging around in the relationship looking for some reminders of that person you were when you fell in love.

So how can you be in a relationship and not lose yourself ;how can you be a  part of a "we" without losing ,"me".

What makes a relationship tricky is that it provides  chance for two people to experience completely different moments.On the other hand ,two individuals can be provided with support by each other's appreciation and love for the person their patner is .

On the other hand , people can go into a relationship with  a fantasy that the union will assuage their insecurities ,hurts and unresolved issues from their past.With this illusion or fusion ,or fantasy bond,both individuals begin to detoriate as they repeat their early attachment patterns and retreats to childish or parental ways of relating.

What to do in such a case ;or how to stay yourself in a relationship:

Maintain your interests_,maintain interests that were important to you before you got involved in a relationship.Dont change your interests so as to please your patner.if they love you then they would accept you for  who you are not because you have to change certain aspects of yourself.

Maintain friendship that were important to you when you were single.

Establish meaningful communication_You dont have to talk to your partner almost all the time,make time to sit down and talk about yourselves personally.

You should however not assume that you know what your patner is feeling_Just because you are a couple and know each other well,does not mean that you have the same perceptions, thoughts and ideas.And dont assume you know how your patner sees you;we often project our negative self -image on to our loved one and imagine them  sharing that viewpoint.

I hope this article will help you if you are in a relationship or thinking about it.Take your time to organize your emotions and recollect feelings.Know what you want in that relationship  .

The goal in a relationship is to be close and still maintain an identity as a separate person.When  people are in an individuated state,they are happier and more optimistic.They have a stronger sense of themselves so they are capable of more intimacy,love and passion in their relationship.